I was struck with such an unmoveable weight in my heart last night when I saw text messages sent by the most beloved people in my life telling me that Robin Williams passed away.
The Monday blues continued to whisk me further into a pit of despair and I cried relentlessly using up the last of the toilet paper I had stashed away under my bed.
I’ll tell you why…
Sunday was my day off from work and I celebrated my hometown’s gay pridefest with hummingbird. We were awestruck by the flow. It was pure joy to just be but I grew more sad as the day came to a close.
Everytime I feel free and happy, I must return to the mundane energy that the straight world imposes on the gay creature.
I get depressed and don’t want to speak to anyone when I feel homesick. That’s me.
Well, for the sake of simplicity I felt out some colors that I believe will help capitulate the senses when it comes to grief, loss and depression.
Probably the most obvious colors of this sullen force are black and gray. This combination often sets off a piece of artwork to appear dismal like bad weather and death. However more profoundly, I find that black is more so used in protection. At the pridefest, I’ve seen lots of attire consisting of black and this accent color seems to intensify the full spectrum of color in the rainbow in addition to making sure we ‘happy’ people are protected or closely grounded in shadows so that our natural light is not compromised.
How else are we to understand the light without the dark?
Gray matter is a secondary element to understanding grief in all forms because somehow we attach memories and forgetfulness to loneliness. When I am in a depressed state, I am unable to recall or have a harder time remembering the feelings of happiness or joy that someone or some event has allowed me to experience prior to the melancholy. Getting swept up by regrets and stagnancy places your soul in a ghostland. This in-between limbo feeling causes confusion and befuddles the best of us.
Rose red is related to your root chakra and thus speaks about intimacy and specifically lack thereof. For many, we yearn for an intimate understanding of our self and feel hopeless when we look outside to only discover that a majority of people and situations are absent of the treasure to which our soul seeks. I believe intuitively that rose red can stimulate the best parts of the root chakra but will depend on an individual’s own aura to gauge the proper color balance. Red fundamentally will relate to karmic pain as well as suicide.
URGENT: If you do feel depressed, lost and having an urge to be saved please take the time to chat with someone.
Purple is quite an independent color and it’s found at your third eye chakra. Naturally our third eye reminds us of our inner world and how we see or envision our dreams. The darker hues of purple and violet match depression because we fall into a spell of withdrawal. Hermiting from our present moments to be slaves to our subconscious fears…alone. I advise using purple generally to establish fortitude with boundaries against energy vampires, but when your energetic circuit is compromised by depression or grief, this color can inadvertently build up mental blocks stronger than any tool can chisel away at. Be mindful when playing with self-sufficiency and the color purple as you may find your relationships with others distant and reserved.
The murkiness hidden within ivy green is an earth bound resentment for the soul linked to the heart chakra. In England it was believed that if ivy did not grow on a tombstone then the soul in the afterlife was unhappy. I believe this color green is symbolic of the growth of negativity that depression and other dis-eases bring to our energetic bodies and spaces. Vines of any sort can appear as a nuisance for most and may cause damage if the growth is not removed. The energy ensnares our freedom to escape. Ivy in a metaphysical capacity reminds us how the soul wanders through time and space in search for enlightenment. I actually own an ivy plant and it loves to grow toward the light but stay in the shadows of my windowsill. Much like a victim of depression this is true and the soul that dwells inside this earthly form may never be truly satisfied in this lifetime as it craves heart-based desires too foreign for this day and age.
I’ll be honest, I don’t have the cure for your souls grief, firefly but I do try my hardest to paint the picture better to help you understand visually, emotionally and spiritually what your karmic commitments might be. So please if you are feeling down don’t let it bind you from living an extraordinary life you are destined to love. Sending you lots of well wishes and may you find peace with your shadowside. I am right alongside you and if you need some cheering support find me over on Facebook or Instagram, I would be honored to welcome your soul to my sacred space.